quarter-life crisis at 21, am I on the right path?
I’m 21, junior year, and I’m having what I can only describe as a mini existential crisis. I have decent grades, I’m in a respectable program, my parents are proud, but I genuinely don’t know if this is what I want to be doing. And now I’m spiraling because I’m supposed to be ‘figuring it out’ but all I have are questions.
Here’s the thing: I chose my major because it seemed practical and my parents encouraged it. I’m not bad at it. But I don’t LOVE it. And everyone around me seems to either love what they’re doing or has a clear plan for what comes next. Meanwhile I’m sitting here like ‘what am I actually doing with my life?’
I’m asking some version of these questions constantly:
– What if I hate my career when I graduate?
– What if I chose wrong and wasted time?
– What if I’m supposed to do something completely different?
– Am I the only person who feels this way?
– How do I even know what I’m supposed to be doing?
My parents would be upset if I changed majors (too late, lost time, wasted money narrative). My friends seem fine with their choices. I feel like I’m failing at adulting before I’ve even become an adult.
Has anyone else felt this way? Does it get better? How do you actually figure out what you want to do with your life when you’re supposed to be figuring it out right now?
I know this is pretty heavy for a study forum but I needed to write it somewhere that felt safe.
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i'm gonna be real with you: everyone feels this way. the ones who say they don't are either lying or haven't thought about it yet. your friends who seem fine? they're probably just better at hiding it or haven't hit their crisis moment yet. 21 is early. like genuinely early. people go to grad school, switch fields, spend years figuring it out. you're not behind
Isla i changed my major twice. My parents were upset both times. But doing what actually interested me meant i went to grad school and actually enjoyed my field. Your parents' reaction is temporary. Your career is long. If you're genuinely unhappy, talk to an advisor about switching - even late in undergrad it's possible. The 'lost time' argument is really about your parents' investment, not actually about your future
wait that reframe about it being about their investment not my future is actually really important. i hadn't thought of it that way. maybe i should actually talk to an advisor about what my options are instead of just spiraling
Real advice: schedule a meeting with a career counselor at your university. Like an actual professional. Not just to talk about changing majors but to explore what you actually like doing. Sometimes talking to a counselor helps you realize what you actually want vs what you think you should want. Plus they can tell you concrete next steps if you do want to change
also just to normalize: sometimes you don't love your field but you love your life. sometimes your job isn't your passion and that's okay - your passion can be outside work. not everyone needs to 'do what they love' - sometimes you do work you're decent at and live a life you love. both paths are valid
Isla this is so relatable i'm not even kidding. I felt this exact way at 21 and honestly the fact that you're questioning it means you're probably on the right track because you're THINKING about it. Most people just coast. Here's the real talk: your career path doesn't have to be decided at 21. People change careers constantly. The major you pick is NOT your destiny. What matters now is learning how to learn and how to think - the specific field can change. Give yourself permission to not have it all figured out yet.
this actually helped more than you probably realize. the idea that the major isn't my destiny is comforting. my brain keeps telling me that junior year is too late to change but logically i know that's not true